Saturday 26 March 2011
isolated by my standards
Being Torah Observant in a country with a relatively small Jewish population (compared to the US) and living in an area without any kind of Jewish congregation (let alone Messianic) means that I often feel very isolated...particularly with regards to wondering how on Earth I will find a husband! I do go to church/my university's Christian Union, but I again feel isolated there, but for a different reason. I am something of a tomboy, and have always got on better with men than with women - not because I dislike women, but I have more male-orientated interests, such as politics, science, film and media studies (including filmmaking/screenwriting) and science fiction/comic books. This means that I easily make male friends...but am always seen as 'one of the boys'. I love children and cooking and other homemaker-type interests....but the pinkness and frillyness and Jane Austen-wannabe nature of a lot of female believers means I have little to talk about with them. I long for marriage and a family, and don't feel like YHVH wants me to abandon my natural personality for marriage's sake (and I do trust his plan for my life, even in the moments of sadness), but it is a lonely and often frustrating time inbetween.
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I am the same way while I am girly I live in jeans, watch tv, and am pursuing a career in the area of social work. Many people believe that having a family automatically means you should or have to give up your work, but I feel that YHWH is leading me on this path and if it's his will for me to still have a career after kids than I will. There is no cookie cutter role of living and too many people fall into that thinking.
ReplyDelete{{HUGS}}, friend. My heart hurts for you, but I am so hopeful. I have seen YHVH do mighty things (and mightier yet to come), and I know He has a plan. He will bless you for upholding your standards & not just "settling" for the sake of comfort. I will continue to pray for you, but do not worry (easier said than done, huh?) And you are a fabulous role model for other young ladies :D
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments, ladies. Last night I went to a 'girly evening' hosted by one of the Christian Union girls, and despite dreading it, actually loved it! It was an evening of worship and prayer as well as facemasks and chocolate, and we shared our testimonies first. I spoke about often feeling left out at church things but everyone else said how glad they were that I made it. So yes, things are still hard but they are *better* :D Baruch YHVH!
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