Saturday, 26 March 2011
isolated by my standards
Being Torah Observant in a country with a relatively small Jewish population (compared to the US) and living in an area without any kind of Jewish congregation (let alone Messianic) means that I often feel very isolated...particularly with regards to wondering how on Earth I will find a husband! I do go to church/my university's Christian Union, but I again feel isolated there, but for a different reason. I am something of a tomboy, and have always got on better with men than with women - not because I dislike women, but I have more male-orientated interests, such as politics, science, film and media studies (including filmmaking/screenwriting) and science fiction/comic books. This means that I easily make male friends...but am always seen as 'one of the boys'. I love children and cooking and other homemaker-type interests....but the pinkness and frillyness and Jane Austen-wannabe nature of a lot of female believers means I have little to talk about with them. I long for marriage and a family, and don't feel like YHVH wants me to abandon my natural personality for marriage's sake (and I do trust his plan for my life, even in the moments of sadness), but it is a lonely and often frustrating time inbetween.